Our lesson for the evening was about certain traits and characteristics we all want to see in our biological fathers and using the acronym F-A-T-H-E-R. We have a perfect, heavenly Father and all the attributes, traits and characteristics we want to see in an ideal father are already being manifested by Him in how He has related with humankind since the foundation of the world.
The F is for faithful.
Fathers must be faithful husbands. They lose the moral ground in leading or attempting to lead their children to righteousness if their lives are characterized by unfaithfulness and infidelity. And sadly, most societies today have found both to be acceptable. In a gathering of men, nary an eyebrow is raised when talk goes around to or about someone having an affair with this and that woman. Whether it was a one night stand, anaffair or an open secret, nobody seems to be surprised anymore. What's even more surprising is that men who are prone to such escapades seem to be more admired and even idolized by their peers and other fellowmen.
Fathers must be faithful to their families. As husbands, they must always be faithful and devoted to their wives. There are certain companies now which are adopting certain policies in the hiring of applicants and other key personnel. They want to see if the people they want to get for certain positions are faithful to their wives. If they're not, they would likely be unfaithful to the company as well. The government bureaucracy should adopt the same policies.
The A stands for affectionate.
Today's fathers are probably more affectionate than those of the previous generations. Fathers from whatever generation are known not be demonstrative in showing affection to those they love. Hugging, crying, holding hands (whether with their wives or their children), and other similargestures and behavior are supposedly unmanly. Virile, macho fathers aren't supposed to show their feelings. They're supposed to be invincible and inscrutable. This mindset has alienated many children from their fathers and has caused countless problems in many families. Everyone needs to love and be loved. That's human nature and we were certainly made that way. So there's nothing wrong about fathers being more demonstrative and expressive about their feelings to those they dearly love. If you're a son and you feel so dumb, down and discouraged and your world seems to be crumbling and falling apart and the solution to your woes and grief is neither in cash or kind, wouldn't it be such a wonderful feeling if all of a sudden your dad comes along, puts his arm around you and gently tells you, "Don't worry son, whatever is your problem, I will always be your dad and I will always love you."
Wow! Wouldn't that be great? You're in a mess, in crisis, in the gutter and here's your dad telling you that? That's how the prodigal son must have felt when his own dad ran to him and embraced him when he went back home after going away to spend in wild abandon his own inheritance. If you're this kind of a father who will not hesitate to show affection to his loved ones especially in their hour of need, then blessed and happy are your children indeed!
Affection is not something you can buy or earn whether you graduatedsumma cum laude from UP or Harvard. It's what you are deep inside.Often we learn the hard way that it's always better to be kind thanto be right.
The T stands for trusting.
If teen-aged kids today were asked what one trait they would like to see more in their fathers, I think trust would rank high in the list. Many fathers, myself included, don't seem to trust their children too much in so manyareas of concern from the food they eat, (why McDonald's?) the clothes they wear (do they have to expose their navels?), the friends they choose (I should know them all) to the careers they will pursue. We tend to be critical and judgmental often thinking they're not old enough to know what they're doing. Often we forget that our children have feelings and are distinct human individuals with unique personalities of their own.
The bible tells us in Colossians 3:21 (NIV) "Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will be discouraged." Also in Ephesians 6:4 (NIV), "Fathers, do not exasperate your children…" is a clear command addressed to fathers. And there are many instances whereby us fathers exasperate and discourage our children, from our double standards in modeling and teaching the right examples, over and under discipline, insensitivity, bad or negative attitudes to lack of quality time spent with them. One pastor and author saidthat the term quality time is misleading. You need quantity time in order to have quality time with your kids. I agree. As I often say, no amount of success can compensate for failure in the home.
The H is for honorable.
Fathers are supposed to be men of honor, men of integrity. Their word is their bond. They keep their promises. They honor their wedding vows. Alas, more and more fathers today are honorable only on paper or in their eyes…an ocean of difference lies between what they say and what they do. Dying if not gone are the days when honor was most valued by men. They would choose death rather than lie or dishonor their names.
One Hebrew word for man is "zakar" which means covenant-keeper. The word is closely related to the Arabic word "dakar" which refers to the male sex organ. The verb form of zakar means "to remember". Hence, if you combine the meaning of the verb and the noun forms, what you get is the "man remembering the covenant". When God told Abraham that He was making a covenant between Him and Abraham's seed, circumcision was the sign God instituted to seal the covenant, requiring hence that every male Israelite be circumcised on the 8th day after birth.
If we look at it closely, a considerable amount of the Old Testament revolves around the theme "to remember". This means that clearly and in no uncertain terms, God wants His people to remember…His covenant, the commandments, His decrees. He keeps telling us to remember because we keep forgetting. It was true then, even more so now. And marriages, families and societies today are breaking apart because men are forgetting or worse, ignoring to keep the covenant.
During the old days, men used to carry salt in pouches (he forgot to locate the bible passage) as this was not only a precious commodity but a form of money as well. (In fact, there were times the Roman legionnaires were paid salt instead of coins.) When two men entered into a covenant, they would seal the agreement by getting some salt from their own pouches andmix it with the salt on the other's pouch. The contracting party that breaks the covenant is usually required to take away and separate the pieces or grains of salt that was mixed in his pouch to symbolize the breach of contract. What a pathetic sight that should be!
The E stands for energetic.
Fathers cannot afford to be lazy or slothful. Since they are divinely mandated to be the breadwinners and providers in the family, they have to work diligently in their chosen professions. Fathers have to be responsible providers especially when there are mouths to feed and bodies to clothe. Children feel secure, encouraged and inspired when they see their fathers consistently providing and looking after their needs.
They have to be more emphatic and energetic in performing this particular role and function considering that more and more wives today are earning a lot more than their husbands. When this is the situation in a particular family, problems (emotional, relational or otherwise) will not be far behind. When a wife earns more than the husband, she will directly or indirectly challenge or undermine his authority and leadership as head of the family. The consequences are often disastrous.
The R stands for Rewarder.
Fathers ought to be more affirming and rewarding when it comes to relating with their children. We are quick to point out their mistakes, impose the necessary disciplinary measures etc etc yet hardly ever give them praise when they do something good no matter how petty or trivial the deed may be. Dorothy Law Nolte wrote in one of her literary pieces that if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If they live with hostility, they learn to fight. If they live with ridicule, they learn to be shy. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If they live with tolerance, they learn to be patient. If they live with praise, they learn to appreciate. If they live with acceptance, they learn to love. If they live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If they live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
R can also stand for Rewarded. When fathers perform according to their God-given roles and functions, it is certain they will be rewarded.
Success in fatherhood lies not in the strength of your arms or in the volume of your cash but in the closeness of your heart to the heart of God.
I thus exhort all fathers reading this now to seriously consider the foregoing. In our hands and under our care is a tremendous trust and responsibility. There are certain roles and functions that God has clearly ordained for us to assume and perform. For His glory and for His honor. For our sakes and those of our children, there is no choice but to obey.
Disobedience breeds nothing but tears and sorrow. We will always reap what we sow.
Be good and faithful fathers. Be happy and content with what you have. Whatever your situation and circumstance, be grateful and thankful to God. He is always in control. May you all have a good and godly day! May God bless us all!
(From the June 16 meeting of the Sigma Rho Bible Study. Posted by Pastor Aloysius Cezar)
The F is for faithful.
Fathers must be faithful husbands. They lose the moral ground in leading or attempting to lead their children to righteousness if their lives are characterized by unfaithfulness and infidelity. And sadly, most societies today have found both to be acceptable. In a gathering of men, nary an eyebrow is raised when talk goes around to or about someone having an affair with this and that woman. Whether it was a one night stand, anaffair or an open secret, nobody seems to be surprised anymore. What's even more surprising is that men who are prone to such escapades seem to be more admired and even idolized by their peers and other fellowmen.
Fathers must be faithful to their families. As husbands, they must always be faithful and devoted to their wives. There are certain companies now which are adopting certain policies in the hiring of applicants and other key personnel. They want to see if the people they want to get for certain positions are faithful to their wives. If they're not, they would likely be unfaithful to the company as well. The government bureaucracy should adopt the same policies.
The A stands for affectionate.
Today's fathers are probably more affectionate than those of the previous generations. Fathers from whatever generation are known not be demonstrative in showing affection to those they love. Hugging, crying, holding hands (whether with their wives or their children), and other similargestures and behavior are supposedly unmanly. Virile, macho fathers aren't supposed to show their feelings. They're supposed to be invincible and inscrutable. This mindset has alienated many children from their fathers and has caused countless problems in many families. Everyone needs to love and be loved. That's human nature and we were certainly made that way. So there's nothing wrong about fathers being more demonstrative and expressive about their feelings to those they dearly love. If you're a son and you feel so dumb, down and discouraged and your world seems to be crumbling and falling apart and the solution to your woes and grief is neither in cash or kind, wouldn't it be such a wonderful feeling if all of a sudden your dad comes along, puts his arm around you and gently tells you, "Don't worry son, whatever is your problem, I will always be your dad and I will always love you."
Wow! Wouldn't that be great? You're in a mess, in crisis, in the gutter and here's your dad telling you that? That's how the prodigal son must have felt when his own dad ran to him and embraced him when he went back home after going away to spend in wild abandon his own inheritance. If you're this kind of a father who will not hesitate to show affection to his loved ones especially in their hour of need, then blessed and happy are your children indeed!
Affection is not something you can buy or earn whether you graduatedsumma cum laude from UP or Harvard. It's what you are deep inside.Often we learn the hard way that it's always better to be kind thanto be right.
The T stands for trusting.
If teen-aged kids today were asked what one trait they would like to see more in their fathers, I think trust would rank high in the list. Many fathers, myself included, don't seem to trust their children too much in so manyareas of concern from the food they eat, (why McDonald's?) the clothes they wear (do they have to expose their navels?), the friends they choose (I should know them all) to the careers they will pursue. We tend to be critical and judgmental often thinking they're not old enough to know what they're doing. Often we forget that our children have feelings and are distinct human individuals with unique personalities of their own.
The bible tells us in Colossians 3:21 (NIV) "Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will be discouraged." Also in Ephesians 6:4 (NIV), "Fathers, do not exasperate your children…" is a clear command addressed to fathers. And there are many instances whereby us fathers exasperate and discourage our children, from our double standards in modeling and teaching the right examples, over and under discipline, insensitivity, bad or negative attitudes to lack of quality time spent with them. One pastor and author saidthat the term quality time is misleading. You need quantity time in order to have quality time with your kids. I agree. As I often say, no amount of success can compensate for failure in the home.
The H is for honorable.
Fathers are supposed to be men of honor, men of integrity. Their word is their bond. They keep their promises. They honor their wedding vows. Alas, more and more fathers today are honorable only on paper or in their eyes…an ocean of difference lies between what they say and what they do. Dying if not gone are the days when honor was most valued by men. They would choose death rather than lie or dishonor their names.
One Hebrew word for man is "zakar" which means covenant-keeper. The word is closely related to the Arabic word "dakar" which refers to the male sex organ. The verb form of zakar means "to remember". Hence, if you combine the meaning of the verb and the noun forms, what you get is the "man remembering the covenant". When God told Abraham that He was making a covenant between Him and Abraham's seed, circumcision was the sign God instituted to seal the covenant, requiring hence that every male Israelite be circumcised on the 8th day after birth.
If we look at it closely, a considerable amount of the Old Testament revolves around the theme "to remember". This means that clearly and in no uncertain terms, God wants His people to remember…His covenant, the commandments, His decrees. He keeps telling us to remember because we keep forgetting. It was true then, even more so now. And marriages, families and societies today are breaking apart because men are forgetting or worse, ignoring to keep the covenant.
During the old days, men used to carry salt in pouches (he forgot to locate the bible passage) as this was not only a precious commodity but a form of money as well. (In fact, there were times the Roman legionnaires were paid salt instead of coins.) When two men entered into a covenant, they would seal the agreement by getting some salt from their own pouches andmix it with the salt on the other's pouch. The contracting party that breaks the covenant is usually required to take away and separate the pieces or grains of salt that was mixed in his pouch to symbolize the breach of contract. What a pathetic sight that should be!
The E stands for energetic.
Fathers cannot afford to be lazy or slothful. Since they are divinely mandated to be the breadwinners and providers in the family, they have to work diligently in their chosen professions. Fathers have to be responsible providers especially when there are mouths to feed and bodies to clothe. Children feel secure, encouraged and inspired when they see their fathers consistently providing and looking after their needs.
They have to be more emphatic and energetic in performing this particular role and function considering that more and more wives today are earning a lot more than their husbands. When this is the situation in a particular family, problems (emotional, relational or otherwise) will not be far behind. When a wife earns more than the husband, she will directly or indirectly challenge or undermine his authority and leadership as head of the family. The consequences are often disastrous.
The R stands for Rewarder.
Fathers ought to be more affirming and rewarding when it comes to relating with their children. We are quick to point out their mistakes, impose the necessary disciplinary measures etc etc yet hardly ever give them praise when they do something good no matter how petty or trivial the deed may be. Dorothy Law Nolte wrote in one of her literary pieces that if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If they live with hostility, they learn to fight. If they live with ridicule, they learn to be shy. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If they live with tolerance, they learn to be patient. If they live with praise, they learn to appreciate. If they live with acceptance, they learn to love. If they live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If they live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
R can also stand for Rewarded. When fathers perform according to their God-given roles and functions, it is certain they will be rewarded.
Success in fatherhood lies not in the strength of your arms or in the volume of your cash but in the closeness of your heart to the heart of God.
I thus exhort all fathers reading this now to seriously consider the foregoing. In our hands and under our care is a tremendous trust and responsibility. There are certain roles and functions that God has clearly ordained for us to assume and perform. For His glory and for His honor. For our sakes and those of our children, there is no choice but to obey.
Disobedience breeds nothing but tears and sorrow. We will always reap what we sow.
Be good and faithful fathers. Be happy and content with what you have. Whatever your situation and circumstance, be grateful and thankful to God. He is always in control. May you all have a good and godly day! May God bless us all!
(From the June 16 meeting of the Sigma Rho Bible Study. Posted by Pastor Aloysius Cezar)
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